Widowed to Restored Dreams

If I am ever arrested

for having sex in a parking lot

of a restricted area,

just know that I was

Looking for you

I would lay on my back

wishing the rain

was your moisture instead;

seeping through pores of ecstasy,

as I lick those soft coconuts

free of their warm sweet sweat.

If I am ever distracted

by dangling patterns in the sky,

while my blood boiling hot,

and I, still throbbing from behind.

Just know that I never focused on one thing

before my soul set sharp

on the thought of you.


If I am ever stimulated

by the smoke stealing dreams from my brain,

or teeth squeezing secrets through nipples

in hope for a commitment, or scarring stroke,

just know that I’ve rolled through valleys of pleasure;

my coaster hits its peaks in vain.

My drunken display was thirst in disguise

for a heart that was never full

from years in your eyes.

Just know that I’m still famished

from buffets of the fruitless;

craving to be intoxicated in you.


If I am ever merely fed

and it sounded like enjoyment

just know that it was never enough for me,

that I would beg you to join in.

I would nibble in hunger

for lips I pretend to kiss.

Just savoring what was missing.

I would cry afterwards and rename the moment

“wet dream”. I would moan and wish that the face in my eyelids

wasn’t just thoughts that decorate my head

till the end of my days, if I knew

but never had you,

But Jesus had it all. I should have known

He makes all things new.


*Proverbs 11:2-3

Proverbs 16:9  ” A man’s heart plans his way,

But the Lord directs His steps.”




Grace upon Grace

You are not forgotten.

Let there be miracles in your life

as the Holy Spirit brings grace.


“When Israel was a child,

I loved him.

And out of Egypt, I called My Son.”

-Hosea 11:1


When Wedding plans end.

Wow the golden angels will descend!

I can say this when I’m young again

So that when I’m old

I can say that I said:

“I’ve tasted a sea of lovers!”

but now I only have one soul

tying me to the grace of the beginning,

I’m not that old.


I was silver from the start,

why would I look for another

man’s gold?


Lingerie, saggy tits and demons

I saw things that made me feel

old yet ingenious:

The world is bloody and cold

and the wind pushes you to lean on.

Don’t trust yourself,

we hurt each other.

We are only human in this season.


I’ve done things

that would make my children

time travel and see

another woman struggling in the stream.

They will see blood

and broken pieces in those scenes

but they won’t see this

when they look at me.


They will learn what has preserved me through the ages.

They will learn how to go on their knees

and still be a queen.


They will learn that true royalty

lies in the Master’s seed.

“You are born for greatness.


Ignore the hurdles

and the need to impress.

Just give God your best


Proverbs 10:17



Getting Help

“I need to clean out my

act and clean

up my bag.


I need to find more wisdom

even in a crowded place.


I need to be more



I need God.

I need peace.

I need to see the cross when I’m on my knees.


Father God,

I need Your peace,

I need Your hand,

I need Your increase.

I need You please!”

Rolls over and starts speeding in car,  as gas tank stays open.

Thank God, his last words were to God.


To be tamed

My blood is clean and they have stolen the lights.
My blood is hot and there’s nothing
To light
My love is sweet, he cooks for me to eat. How sweet. Palm oil on spaghetti

yet I’m grinding on my teeth.

The food is hot, I. Cannot eat, I want more

but the rain is pouring and my blood is hot. Oh help me God.

It’ s only God. If only God could quench me of my thirst. Turn these stones to bread. If only God could make my lips wet, for I’m lusting for dirt. Only God can make it rain and still control my sweat. I can’t explain my thirst to misbehave; but I know when it rains only God can take me through this test.

The lust of my flesh will be tamed.

Matthew 17:18

A couple of Reasons to Smile…

For the first time in a few weeks the sunrise presented a good view of the sky. I even managed to capture two crows on their way to wherever crows go in the morning. I suspect they had spotted the food in our garden and decided to collect a few samples for later. Our skies […]

via Good Morning, доброе утро — Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

The Foreigner from a Distant Land

When you feel like a stranger on your own planet, in your own life.


I am a foreigner, from a distant land.
I speak your language but you don’t understand.
I have hands like yours, that are never praised
I have eyes like yours that can also gaze.
I know that you came from the land of my father
But then why can’t we accept each other?

It is sad you think that you are better
But if I am stupid, how did I write this letter?
My strength you use to beat your butter,
But whether I’m hungry or not, it doesn’t matter.

I know one day I am going to belong
That Is why I comfort myself with this bitter song.

It is hard to sleep when I hear the loud bang
From thoughts of my family members being forced to hang
You try to keep me on your little hook
Your ears burn when you hear me read a book.
You can take away my bread, and burn my clothes
But whatever you do, we will never be foes.
Being strong and running fast is something I’ve learnt
I’ve been chased like a dog betrayed by my own scent.
My only way to escape from your trigger
Is to hold my breath and cross that river
Restricted in life and even by who to love
Praying for the freedom you will never have
Soon, you will stop judging me by the colour of my hand

But until then I remain a foreigner from a distant land.

Exodus 9:1