Living on My Own Terms

I will live like I walk with God.

I try to fall off the edge. I try to push myself,

I try to live through the fall.

I sky drive through my homework,

and I still have enough time to go to church!

 

One day I will give birth,

and it will be twins crying my name

when God’s love first.

 

The man I love

will love God more.

And we will have many blessed children

and show them the ways of God

and shield them from this world’s darkening laws.

 

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The Value

When You love someone, you don’t require

that secondary thrill

to bring one smiling

giggling to their knees,

in tears.

Ready to serve and love.

 

Whatever you have been through,

it doesn’t matter

because you are a child of God.

You are an overcomer.

 

You have no reason to fear the thunder

that cometh by night or day.

Lord help me to be free. Please.

Help me to do better.

Help me to be a better me.

 

I am a new Creation.

 

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that

someone lay down his heart for his friends.

The Life of the Dead

 

The mountains are melting.

The lizards and lions lay

Dead. Others are still talking.

Stuck in this void

of enduring deficit.

 

Precious pets are left to burn.

Babies’ lungs are soaking wet.

They are still talking.

The real news is still

unheard.

 

Piano keys, wound up harps, crooked clarinets;

Beats of breathe.

Wise words of life’s

Depths are chosen

to be unsaid.

 

But they are still talking!

Disturbed into fear of mentality

lost, I learnt to block them

out instead, clouded in

my thoughts.

The world is turning.

Soon we will all be

dead. One day, all won’t matter.

This he said or she said

 

Will be nothing

but echoes of lost lingering

Mortals stuck in this void

of enduring deficit:

The life of the dead.

 

Widowed to Restored Dreams

 
If I am ever arrested

for having sex in a parking lot

of a restricted area,

just know that I was

Looking for you

I would lay on my back

wishing the rain

was your moisture instead;

seeping through pores of ecstasy,

as I lick those soft coconuts

free of their warm sweet sweat.

If I am ever distracted

by dangling patterns in the sky,

while my blood boiling hot,

and I, still throbbing from behind.

Just know that I never focused on one thing

before my soul set sharp

on the thought of you.

 

If I am ever stimulated

by the smoke stealing dreams from my brain,

or teeth squeezing secrets through nipples

in hope for a commitment, or scarring stroke,

just know that I’ve rolled through valleys of pleasure;

my coaster hits its peaks in vain.

My drunken display was thirst in disguise

for a heart that was never full

from years in your eyes.

Just know that I’m still famished

from buffets of the fruitless;

craving to be intoxicated in you.

 

If I am ever merely fed

and it sounded like enjoyment

just know that it was never enough for me,

that I would beg you to join in.

I would nibble in hunger

for lips I pretend to kiss.

Just savoring what was missing.

I would cry afterwards and rename the moment

“wet dream”. I would moan and wish that the face in my eyelids

wasn’t just thoughts that decorate my head

till the end of my days, if I knew

but never had you,

But Jesus had it all. I should have known

He makes all things new.

 

*Proverbs 11:2-3

Proverbs 16:9  ” A man’s heart plans his way,

But the Lord directs His steps.”